


Best Friends

by xicolirou



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Back to Japan, Bottom Hinata Shouyou, Bottom Kageyama Tobio, Fluff and Angst, Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio Friendship, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Self-Indulgent, Smut, Top Hinata Shouyou, Top Kageyama Tobio, fight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xicolirou/pseuds/xicolirou
Summary: “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?” He broke his chopsticks, he felt his whole body trembling but didn’t tear his gaze from his plate, his tongue weighted too much inside his mouth. “I thought we were best friends.”That was it. Hinata stood up from the table where his old friends were having dinner and left so quickly like no one didn’t even understand his goodbye. Kageyama was left stunned repeating the scene over and over in his head trying to figure out what he did wrong.A story where Hinata just landed from Brazil and has to deal with Kageyama which he's trying to avoid.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kuroo Tetsurou/Sawamura Daichi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This my first fic after reading thousands of haikyuu fics, so I decided to write another self indulgent because that's what I thought I need it!  
> I love these boys so enjoy it!

The sun was blazing through his skin, his feet covered by the sand, the sound of the waves crashing lightly at the shore, the sound of traffic right behind him, people walking on the black and white boardwalk. He would miss all of it, it was time for him to come back to Japan, to see his family and friends and show them the result of his training. Right now he wanted to enjoy the very last few seconds he had in Rio. 

“Ninja Shouyou! Você vai jogar?” _(Are you going to play?)_ Hinata heard Heitor calling him, it was pretty early in the morning but this was his last game he could play here. “Com certeza!” _(For sure!)_. Shouyou answered in his now fluent portuguese, it wasn't perfect because the language was pretty hard and he had a thick accent but he was proud to have learned, he thought that the idiom was beautiful.

He had asked Heitor to play with him one last game before he had to gather his things and go to the airport. The taller man was more than happy to play. After five sets Heitor had to kick him out of the beach or he was going to miss his plane. He got to his apartment and ran to shower because Suga was going to call him pretty soon to check in if he was going to the airport.

Just as he got out of the bathroom as if Suga could read his mind, his computer screen lit up with an incoming call. Shouyou put on a shirt and answered the call, Suga and Daichi appeared on the screen smiling. “I don’t have time for greetings! You have to be quick! I need to be in a taxi in thirty minutes!” Suga and Daichi laughed.

“Okay, okay. So when do we have to pick you up on Wednesday?” Suga asked through the webcam. 

“At two pm.” Hinata said looking at his ticket over his desk, his room was so clean now, everything was packed and he had only three more hours in Rio which was reserved in only getting to the airport and doing check in and then he would be in a plane going back to Japan. 

“Okay, I won’t be able to be there because I have to work, but since Kuroo and Daichi are living together and Kuroo knows where Kenma lives it will be just fine!” Hinata smiled at Daichi, remembering when Kuroo asked him out when they lost to Karasuno in Nationals, it was a bet but it turned out that they really liked each other. 

“Ah… I’m going to miss you mom!” Hinata faked pout. “Fuck you!” Suga huffed. “Anyway, we planned a Karasuno reunion on friday! And don’t tell me you're going to be tired because you will have rested for two days!” Hinata laughed and lifted his hands in the air meaning he wasn’t going to fight about it. 

“It’s fine by me. I have to go now, see you guys soon!” They said their goodbyes and Hinata closed his computer and put in his backpack. He looked through the window _‘Karasuno reunion, huh_.’ The airport was filled with his friends, Heitor and his wife, Pedro and the people he got to know through his years in Rio. 

He was a crying mess when he got in the plane but tried to keep quiet and that was a really hard task when he wasn’t crying it was even harder this way. Through the long hours seated one person would come to his mind. _Kageyama_. It has been a long time since he has talked to brunette, and he would like it to keep it that way, but seeing him would be a totally different thing. 

***

His back was sore from all the thirty hour trip, going from airplane to airplane. Since they landed he was smiling ear to ear, how he missed Japan, how he was going to see his family and friends. Seeing them through a small screen didn’t do it justice, he just missed them all too much. 

“HINATA!” He heard a voice yell at him, he knew this, a voice who always scream at him if he was being too loud. Ah, there he was, Daichi, and by his side an even taller man in a black suit, Kuroo. He ran to them and he was engulfed by both men, hugging him tightly. 

“I’ve missed you guys so much!” Hinata was already crying. “We’ve missed you too” Daichi responded, rubbing his hand against Shouyou’s back. He turned to Kuroo and hugged him properly. “Hi Kuroo-san!” He hugged Hinata back and laughed. “Drop the -san we have known each other since forever!” He blushed but nodded. 

“So you’re staying at Kenma’s? He’s new apartment is the shit!” Daichi slapped Kuroo’s arm. “Lenguage!” Kuroo only laughed “Yes… Daddy.” Daichi blushed and Hinata took a step back. 

“Ew, gross!” Hinata looked at them and smiled. “I forgot you two were my favorite couple, you look so good together!” Both men blushed furiously. “Ah… thank you… Well! Let’s get going then! God, is that all your luggage?” Daichi asked Hinata, impressed that he had brought with him five suitcases, one handbag and a backpack. Hinata hummed in response. “Too many presentes I have to give to everyone!”

The ride to Kenma’s was noisy since Kuroo and Hinata couldn’t stop talking about Rio and Hinata’s trip for five seconds. Hinata changed his attention towards Daichi who was driving. “I thought we were going to ride in a police car!” Hinata pouted and Daichi made a face. “Don’t be ridiculous Hinata, I would never pick you up in a police car.” Kuroo looked back at Hinata squinting his eyes. “I can be the only one locked up in the car.” He grinned as the driver became a tomato.

“Oh my god Kuroo, I hate you! Gross!” Hinata said, also blushing, not needing to know what his friends do in a police car. Kuroo only laughed and took his hand on Daichi’s. “Sorry, you both are so easy to play with!” 

Arriving at Kenma’s and trying to bring all the luggage in one go was a stupid idea but they did because nobody was saying no to Hinata’s ideas. The ginger was impressed by the building, it smelled like rich people. Kenma opened the door before they could ring receiving them with his same expressionless face.

“KENMA!” Hinata launched himself at the boy who almost fell with the new heavy body that Hinata had gained, then he proceeded to lift Kenma up and twirl. “I’ve missed so much!”

“You don’t need to scream, I’m right here Shou. I’ve missed you too.” He said, trying to get out of Hinata’s grip. “Hi Kuroo, Hi Daichi-san.”

“Wow Hinata, did you get that strong?” Kuroo was impressed he could lift Kenma. “You bet! I can even lift you now!” Hinata said, flexing his arms.”I’m not heavy, Daichi is.” Kuroo pointed at Daichi who complained. “Oi!”

“Sorry babe,” He turned to Hinata. “He’s not heavy, he has ‘muscles’.” Rolling his eyes at Daichi. Hinata who didn’t even blink was picking Daichi up. Kuroo and Kenma laughed and Daichi blushed. “Put me down!”

“See?” Hinata said as he was letting Daichi down. “Strong doesn’t mean you got better shrimp. Wait, you're not that small either. What happened to you in Brazil? Does the sun have different effects there?”

Hinata was beaming with happiness. “I’ve finally grown! I’m in my best form!”

“Yeah yeah, let’s see that on the try-outs…” Kuroo said, going for the door and taking Daichi with him. 

“Can’t wait to shut you up when I get in.” Kuroo turned on his feet and squinted his eyes. “Only Daichi can make me shut up with his d-” Daichi shut Kuroo's mouth with his hand. “Shut up! How old are you? Two?” Daichi dragged Kuroo out of the apartement. “Bye Kenma, bye Hinata, see you at the reunion, get some rest!” And then they closed the door. “I hate Kuroo” It was the only thing that Kenma said. 

Hinata finally took a first look around, and he was right, the apartment was huge, modern furniture, big TV, a huge couch, the living room was all a big window that he could see whole Tokyo through, everything looked expensive. 

“Damn Kenma, I didn’t know you were making that much money.” Kenma only shrugged. He showed the place to Hinata and also showed his room, he was staying with Kenma until he got a job or get in Black Jackals which was the only team with open try-outs. Hinata was happy that he was back, he had a chance to show everyone that he was good, and didn’t need anything or _anyone_.

“Hey Kenma, I’m gonna rest for some hours, my back is killing me and I need a shower. After that we can catch up like you want!” The other boy only rolled his eyes, not making any effort to answer.


	2. Chapter 2

The rainbow-road was his worst enemy, Hinata couldn’t understand how Kenma could not fall from the track every two seconds. He lost every round he played against him but that didn’t affect Hinata as he continued to try to get that win, but definitely it wasn’t going to be this time when he saw a shell coming his way. “Fuck you Kenma!” He tossed the controller on the couch as he saw the score appear on the TV, he lost, again. 

“How can you be so good at this?” Kenma was already starting a new game without Hinata, he shrugged. “It’s my job.” _‘Yeah, I guess he is right’_. Hinata only hummed, he got up and went to the kitchen looking for something to drink. “Hey, do you want a beer?” Yes, he did just get back in Japan, but he slept through the afternoon and it was already night, the only way he could get some sleep was by being drunk or some sleep pills. “Sure.”

Hinata opened one and swallowed down entirely, he took two more, one for him and one for his friend. Kenma was looking at him with one arched eyebrow. “Oh it’s nothing, it’s just a method to sleep again since I’m probably jet-lagged, if I get drunk I’ll probably sleep faster.” His friend didn’t say anything. 

Being with Kenma meant that they would always be in a comfortable silence, Shouyou was used to his friend being too focused on his games and not having too many social skills. 

“Did you call your mom?” Kenma asked not taking his eyes from the TV.

“Yeah, I spoke to her and Natsu, she apologized for not being at the airport but I told her she doesn’t have to apologize since she works, and bringing Natsu would mean another cost. I said that I would try to go to Miyagi when I get a job.” Kenma only nodded. “You know I could pay their tickets right? I didn’t offer because I know you’re going to say no.” He laughed. “Damn right I will say no, you’re already giving me space in your place.”

“It’s not like I can use three rooms at the same time, Shou.” Kenma stopped the game to take a sip and got back to the game. “I guess you’re right.” Hinata smiled and took a sip from the beer. 

“Do you miss him?” Hinata almost choked with his beer, with wide eyes he looked back at Kenma who never paused the game. “Miss who?” Hinata asked, looking away, he hated how Kenma never went around in circles about something he wanted to ask, he always went straight to the point. 

“You know who.” This time he paused the game and Hinata shivered, Kenma was serious about this. He let out a big sigh. “Sometimes… Sometimes I think about everything we went through then yes, I do.” Hinata closed his eyes, seeing all his memories flash in his brain; him and Kageyama on the court, doing the quick for the first time, winning against Shiratorizawa and Nekoma. That was all happy memories that he was glad he could share with the brunette. Then he thinks of his memories at the end of second and all third year, his face darkens. “But then I think of what he has done… and then I don’t miss him at all.” 

_He did miss the boy_ , he straight lied to Kenma, of course he did. How could he not miss the boy who believed in him and teached so many things about volleyball? He also didn’t want to see him at the reunion, yes, he had accepted what had happened and hadn't spoken to him since he left for Brazil. It’s not that he hated Kageyama, he probably could never hate him. It’s just that he preferred to have a distance between them, this way he could live his life without feeling like there’s something always bothering him. Hinata had decided that if Kageyama would be there he would be strong, he would not crumble in front of the brunette. 

Kenma hummed to the response Hinate gave and went back to play the game. “So what are you gonna do when you see him at the reunion?”

“Act normal I guess, I don’t want to ruin everybody’s night, Suga said that’s been a while since everyone got together.” Hinata took another sip from the beer finishing it, he already felt dizzy from the two beers he had, not wanting to talk more about Kageyama he took the controller and went back to play against Kenma.

***

Hinata was finishing getting ready when the doorbell rang, he was so used to only wearing a t-shirt and shorts in Brazil and now he had to put on a heavy jacket and scarf so he wouldn’t freeze in the winter of Tokyo. Kenma opened the door as he went to the living room meeting Suga and Daichi. “Shoyou!” He ran to Suga’s arm hugging him tightly and receiving an even tighter hug. “I’ve missed so much! Daichi said that you had grown but you look like a man now!” Suga was holding his crying seeing his boy all grown up, he was proud. 

Hinata blushed and rubbed his nape. “I guess.” Receiving compliments from his old friends was very different from Kuroo or Kenma. “You look so handsome! This short hair really goes with your features.” He blushed even harder. “Thanks, you look older too!” Daichi laughed.

“Hinata! I didn’t say you look older, I said you looked more mature! Which clearly isn’t the case!” Suga punched him in the shoulder. “Sorry!” 

“Well, let’s get going then, bye Kenma.” Daichi and Suga were already out of the apartment when Kenma tugged on Hinata’s arm. 

“Shou, I know it’s gonna be hard seeing him, but I trust you, you’re a man now. What happened in the past is in the past, don’t try to hold some grudge against him. I’m not saying you should forgive him or whatever… just don’t hurt yourself again…” Kenma was serious, looking straight in Hinata’s brown eyes, he only nodded and said his goodbye. 

He met both of his friends in the elevator waiting for him, Suga making every question about his time in Rio made him forget about the whole situation about Kageyama. The ride to the restaurant was short and in ten minutes they got there. 

They went to a ramen house since it was Shouyou’s favorite food. The house was a really well known place, he was already feeling happy because he was about to eat really good food. “Good evening, how can I help you?” The receptionist asked them. 

“Hi, we have a reservation under Karasuno?” Daichi spoke. The man checked his list and nodded. “Right, you are the first ones to get here. You are in a reserved room, I will take you there.” They followed the man, Hinata took notice of the place and started to ask how much that would cost his wallet. The receptionist stopped in front of one of many doors. “This is your room, feel free to call the waiters anytime you want, there’s a button on the table for it. Also the walls are soundproof so you guys don’t need to worry. Have a nice time!” The man walked out and they entered the room taking their seats.

No longer than that their friends started to come, first Tanaka with Kiyoko, then Nishinoya, Asahi, Yamaguchi, Yachi and Tsukishima came together since Asahi offered them a lift. Ennoshita, Narita and Kinoshita also came together. Everyone was laughing and smiling, talking very loudly over each other, they were so happy to finally have everyone meet, also they were all eager to see Hinata again, he also received a lot of hugs from everyone. 

Hinata noticed that nobody took a place by his right side and that kind of annoyed him, they were expecting him to sit by his side. They waited half an hour for Kageyama to arrive and then decided to order food because they were all starving. 

“He won’t mind!” Tanaka yelled over all the conversations. Hinata was more relaxed, he was wishing that he wouldn’t come so it would be easier. He was about to order when he saw someone at the door of their room. _‘Fuck’_. 

“Kageyama! Finally, we were about to order, you’re lucky!” Suga said to him, patting the chair right by Hinata’s side. 

He looked at Kageyama and realized that this wasn’t going to be as easy as he thought and forced himself to smile. _‘What happened in the past is in the past, don’t try to hold some grudge against him.’_ Hinata remembered Kenma’s words. Kageyama took the place by his side, taking off his scarf and jacket.

“Hey.” Kageyama said to him and Shouyou could feel the tension growing between them. He looked at Kageyama but did not really look at him, he was actually looking at the wall behind Kageyama’s head. “Hey.” Kageyama looked at him weirdly, noticing something was off about Hinata. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Hinata turned to look back at his friends. _‘Great, now I have to deal with him sitting by my side.’_ He was feeling that every second passed by they were getting uncomfortable. If they didn’t talk Hinata could get through this night.

They ordered their meals and started to drink since it was a celebration. Him and Kageyama did not exchange another word after that, it was clear that there was tension between them and his friends started to notice. After the food came they decided to make a toast celebrating their reunion and Hinata coming back. 

“Thanks for being part of my favorite memories, I truly love you all and let’s celebrate that Hinata is back!” Daichi spoke loudly, everyone was smiling thinking about their time together and that their former captain never lost his leadership. “Kanpai!” They clinked their glasses together and cheered. 

“Hey Hinata! Tell us about Rio! How was it? Did you get better? What are you gonna do here now? Are you going to the professional league?” Nishinoya shot him with questions as they started to eat. “Noya calm down! You’re gonna choke on your own food!” Suga kicked him under the table. 

“You bet I will get in!” Hinata already answered him. That brought attention from everyone. “Which team are you trying?” Yachi asked him. “Black Jackals! Bokuto said they had their try-outs open!” He felt Kageyama stiffen by his side. 

“Oh? So you and the king are gonna be rivals again?” Tsukishima said from the other side of the table with a glint in his eyes. Hinata sat there shocked, staring at Kageyama. How could he forget that the other boy was also in the professional league? As usual Hinata never planned things too much ahead. “I’m gonna win.” He blurted out with rage in his eyes, Kageyama didn’t even bother to look back at him and snorted. “If you get in.” Kageyama said unbothered. 

“I will.” Hinata said angry, going back to eat his ramen, the tension that filled the air was finally broken when Daichi and Suga tried to start a conversation and it worked, everyone engaged with them remembering those times they were on the court. Hinata noticed that after that moment Kageyama didn’t take his eyes from him.


	3. Chapter 3

“Why didn’t you tell me about Brazil?” Hinata heard Kageyama asking in a very low voice so the others at the Karasuno reunion couldn’t hear it. He was looking at his own plate, holding his chopsticks with too much force. _‘Why didn’t I tell you?!’_ He felt like he could throw up all he had eaten that day. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Kageyama. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?” He broke his chopsticks, he felt his whole body trembling but didn’t tear his gaze from his bowl, his tongue weighted too much inside his mouth. “I thought we were best friends.” 

_That was it_. Hinata stood up from the table where his old friends were having dinner and left so quickly like no one didn’t even understand his goodbye. Kageyama was left stunned repeating the scene over and over in his head trying to figure out what he did wrong. 

He felt a warm hand on his back pushing him. “What are you doing? Go after him!” Obviously it was Suga, obviously. Kageyama looked at the others on the table and they all had the same look. “Go!” Daichi said, kicking him under the table. 

The ginger was on the sidewalk looking at his phone with his hands trembling trying to order a Uber. _‘I thought we were best friends.’_ Those words echoing on his mind. “Hinata…” Kageyama stood there, looking lost as ever and like usual he wasn’t good with words and Shoyou knew that because he never thought Kageyama would actually come searching for him. For the first time he set his foot in Japan, Hinata looked properly at Kageyama. His face was more mature, he looked more mature, his eyes were the same deep blue that he could draw then with eyes closed because he knew it so well even after all these years, he looked a little bit taller, _‘Will you never stop growing kageyama?’_ but Hinata could see that Kageyama was really uncomfortable. 

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice was very low and unsure. Hinata could feel all those feelings that he had locked in a place so deep in his brain and heart eager to be let out. 

“I’m not... doing this Kageyama.” Hinata moved his hand between them. 

“I don’t understand…” He laughed at the sentence _‘of course’_. Hinata turned his body to the taller boy and confusion was written all over his face. “You never did.” Hinata answered coldly and Kageyama took a step back, noticing for the first time that the boy in front of him was completely changed, he had grown taller for sure, his hair was now cut differently, shorter. Even wearing winter clothes he could see that the body had grown too, definitely had more muscle. He looked older, grown, a man. 

“Hinata, tell me… I thought we were best friends.” And there goes, _best friends_. Hinata hated that word. 

“ _BEST FRIENDS?!_ ” He shouted, and he felt all of his self control lost in the cold air, his hands balled up in fists. Kageyama took another step back, this was a different Hinata, he definitely didn’t know this man. 

“Best friends?! After what I fucking said to you at the end of the second year? And you said nothing! NOTHING! You could’ve said that you didn’t love me back, you could’ve said that you didn’t like guys! But no. You did not say a thing and tried to act like _I said nothing_. You decided to ignore my feelings for you and tried to act like I never said something, and don’t get me wrong, I know you are bad with words but not around _me_. You don’t know how much that hurted me, Kageyama.” 

Hinata never thought that he would be saying those things, but he felt like the door he had put thousand locks on had exploded and now there was no turning back. He knew that he was crying and he hated to show how vulnerable he was, it was even worse that Kageyama was watching him. Kageyama was silent, eyes so wide and eyebrows so high in his forehead, petrified on the sidewalk, because _he knew_. He knew that all of those words were true.

“That was way worse than saying you didn’t love me back because I could handle that, people can be rejected all the time. But my best friend, ignoring my whole existence and acting like everything was the same, _that fucking hurt_. So I decided to get away from all of that, of course I could pretend on the court, that was easy because volleyball was definitely more important than some fucking stupid feelings. Outside was a completely different story, and of course you wouldn’t notice, but I put a distance between us, lied that exams were consuming my time and in the end I was out to Brazil.” Hinata let out a shaky breath, closed his eyes and breathed deep, trying to gain some self control. 

“And then I finally, _finally_ felt like I was growing without you, I was becoming a better player, and it felt so easy to forget all that happened... and now we’re here.” Shouyou felt like shit, but also the weight of his shoulders had left. He dried his tears with the back of his hands but it was useless since they didn’t want to stop falling, _‘stupid tears’_ Hinata thought. He had to force himself to look back at Kageyama and was in shock to see that the brunette was also crying.

Kageyama felt dizzy, felt like a sledgehammer was thrown at his skull smashing into pieces, actually those words really felt like a bullet. He knew that he was crying too, he never thought that he had hurted Hinata, and it kills him to even think about that, it was never his intention, hell if he knew, he would say all the words Hinata needed to hear that day because he never in a million years he would like the see that boy hurt. 

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama spoke, unsure where to begin. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I never _never_ would’ve hurt you, Hinata.” He took a step towards him, trying to be stronger than he was feeling. Hinata looked so hurt, with his hand tugging at the clothes in his chest.

“If I knew-”

“Knew what? Don’t start making an apology that you actually don’t feel sorry for.” Hinata wasn’t crying anymore, and was adjusting his clothes to keep the cold out. He didn’t need an apology, he didn’t need someone pitying on him. Kageyama put a hand on his shoulders and Hinata quickly took it off. 

“I don’t know why I even said these things to you but I guess they needed to be said, I don’t want an apology, I don’t want pity. I have moved on and you should do it too.” He was determined to end this conversation here and to never see the light of the day again. 

Frustrated, that was what Kageyama was feeling, he felt like everything spirelled of his control in a matter of seconds, he wanted to say so many things, but again, like that day, his tongue felt dry, his mouth was sewn together. He saw Hinata waving at some car in the distance and felt like that car was going to take Hinata away from his life for good. 

“You’re making a choice for me?” He still felt confused, he didn’t know what to do, there’s no guide on the internet showing how to deal when your _best friend_ is shutting you out of his life, no, it’s been a long time since they were best friends.

“You didn’t make one in the past so I’m making one now.” Hinata opened the door and he looked back one last time, right at Kageyama’s eyes. “Goodbye, Tobio.” And the car disappeared along the avenue taking away Hinata from his life. 

_Tobio_. It’s been a long time since Hinata called him by his name. After what felt like hours he felt Suga and Daichi by his side, he felt little, embarrassed, cold, lost. “How much have you heard?” Kegeyama was still looking at the ground as if it was going to open and swallow him whole. 

“Er, kind of everything? Hinata can speak very loud…” Suga said sheepishly, looking at Daichi for help. “I guess he can.” Kageyama muttered. 

“How are you feeling?” Daichi asked, putting a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort. “The worst I have ever felt in my entire life, worse than losing at the Olympics.” Daichi squeezed his shoulder. Kageyama dried his tears and turned to look back at them.

“Hey Kageyama, you never loved Hinata? I could swear you did back then.” Kegayama looked at the sky and remembered all those times they spent together and smiled. 

“I did.” Suga punched him in the stomach. “ _OI!_ ” Kageyama gasped.

“Then why didn’t you say something!? Why!? Are you stupid!?” Daich had to stop Suga from breaking Kageyama.

“I never felt like I deserved him.” Daichi and Suga stopped and looked back at Kageyama. “He was like the blasting sun, he is. He is happiness, energy, fire and I’m just me, a moody, grumpy, cloudy person, how could I possibly let Hinata be with somebody like me?” Kageyama looked down embarrassed, wondering again if the floor could open and swallow him. 

“You’re the most stupid person I have ever met! He was happy because you were there!” Suga yelled at him, Daichi trying to hold him down. “You have to tell him!” Kageyama’s head shot up, wide eyes. “ _What?_ No!” 

“I think you should tell him.” Daichi said letting go of Suga. “He deserves to know.” Kageyama shook his head. “I don’t think I can.” 

“Oh yes you can and you _will_.” Suga took him by his wrist leading to a black car across the street. “Daichi, drive us there.” Kageyama with wide eyes tried to free himself from Suga’s grip but it was impossible. 

“No! I’m not doing this! He’s going to kill me!” Kageyama yelled but was shoved into the backseat of a car and let out a shake breath, he tried to get out of the car but the look he received from Daichi across the mirror made him tremble and stay put.

Kageyama was still processing all the words Hinata threw up on him, the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt the ginger and he would be the dumbest person not to realize that Shouyou put a distance between then, he noticed on the first week of their last year, how he would make any excuse to get away from Kageyama, how he would always be busy with something else, or he had to watch over Natsu. He thought that Hinata was just asking for some space but after time passed and day after day they got far away from each other he didn’t know what he was supposed to do and in a blink of an eye Shouyou wasn’t there anymore. He was across the globe without even saying a word and that left Kageyama even more confused about everything. Was he supposed to call? Send a message? He didn’t have the social skills to do it or neither felt like there was a space to actually reach to him. 

He never thought that when Hinata came back things would be just like the same, he thought it would be worse but he never imagined _this_. A broken Shouyou standing in front him saying words that probably would never leave his brain, with a face he wished he never saw, and it was all because of him. Because he chose to hide his feelings that he wasn't even sure of. How could Hinata simply declare his feelings like it was so easy. Was that how love was supposed to go? Easy? Then why couldn't he do it when he had the chance? In the back of the gym, just the two of them. He never saw Shouyou so insecure that day when he confessed his feelings and obviously Kagayama did nothing, because he truly didn’t know what to do, so he decided to do nothing and he realised now, that was the worst choice he has ever made. 

Then it hits him, like a thousand brick walls in his head, a bullet through his chest and an electric shock in his skin. _It was that easy_. Being friends with Hinata that whole time was easy, being on the court with him was easy, having feelings for him was easy. Loving him was easy. Was that what Hinata felt? Why couldn’t he understand this when he was seventeen? Why did he have to run away? When did he become such a coward? His breath got quicker, his blood pulsing through his ears. 

“Kegayama, calm down. It’s Hinata, he will listen to you no matter what.” Suga reached out and put a hand on his knees, making circling motions. Kegayama put his hand on his face trying to gain some self-control. “I don’t even know what to tell him… He looked so… _hurt_.” Suga smiled at him. “Tell him everything you didn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this update, I think that Hinata is very impulsive and he probably would blurt those words wherever the way things turned out in the night, if Kageyama reached for him or not so yeah, this is a crumbling Hinata trying to heal. 
> 
> About the next update it probably will take long because I have some works to do from college so bear with me please!!


	4. Chapter 4

Hinata felt empty on his way home, all of those words weighted like rocks inside of him and now they didn’t exist anymore. Was this how he and Kageyama should end? On a bad note? He never saw the brunette cry, that really took Hinata off guard. He asked himself if that was the right way to do things, maybe he did hurt himself again going against Kenma’s advice. _‘Stupid fucking feelings’_. Hinata wanted to throw up, he didn’t feel good, with arms and legs shaking he got out of the car and walked to the building. He thanked that Kenma was at Kuroo’s since both of them wouldn’t be at the reunion so he could cry all night long. Yes, he wanted to cry and pour these feelings at the floor so at the end he could dry them away and maybe, finally close this chapter. 

He felt like the apartment was cold although the heater was on, given his situation it wasn’t really his home so he wouldn’t actually feel comfortable but this was Kenma’s home so maybe he can try to relax a little. He sat on the couch trying to keep his breathing steady, it wasn’t his intention to lash out against Kageyama, but seeing his face after two years it messed with him and he wasn’t able to control himself. _‘Kageyama crying, that’s new, so he actually has feelings.’_ Although it was him who made the taller boy cry and that didn’t help at all. How could he be just on the third day back in his country and things be this messy? Maybe he just should have stayed in Brazil. He was happy there, and now he is miserable here. 

He took a shower trying to rinse the feelings away with hot water, it didn’t work but he felt a little bit calmer and he didn’t have a thousand thoughts running through his brain. He got in his sweatpants and a t-shirt, bless the person who invented the heater. He decided to watch something since he probably couldn’t sleep and would just replay the whole night in his head, a movie would distract him. He chose a sappy romantic movie so he could cry his eyeballs out. As he was starting the movie, he heard a knock on the door. _‘Kenma is coming home? I thought he was going to sleep at Kuroo’s’_. He got up confused about why Kenma came home, he opened the door and the last person on earth he wanted to see was standing there. Kageyama _fucking Tobio_. He went to close the door right away but another strong hand held the door and Hinata finally saw Daichi and Suga behind Kageyama. Confusion and annoyance was sprawled in Hinata’s face and asking with his eyes _‘What kind of joke is this?’_ at the older boys.

“We don’t want to get in the middle of this Hinata… Although we already are, listen to Kageyama, you don’t have to do anything and you can kick him out after.” Kageyama looked back at Suga questioning him. “But promise me you will listen to him, I don’t know what happened and I know I’m asking a lot, but listen to him.” 

Hinata was confused and unsure, was this a joke? A prank? His friends wouldn’t do that to him, he looked at Daichi who gave him a confident nod and then looked back at Kageyama who he couldn’t understand what was going through his mind but the boy was definitely not comfortable at all, he looked insecure, vulnerable even. He breathed deeply and looked at the brunette in front of him. “Okay.” 

He let Kageyama in and waved for his two friends at the porch who gave him a thumbs up before he closed the door. He let out a shaky breath, this night felt like it couldn’t reach and end and now he had Kageyama with him, alone. He turned to the brunette who looked uncertain what to do and he wasn’t going to lie, he also was kind of in unknown territory. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Hinata asked, trying to break the ice. Kegeyama shook his head. “Can we sit?” The taller one asked, mentioning the couch. He nodded and sat on the couch with his knees brought up to his chest as if trying to get some shield. Kageyama sat across him in an armchair, he fiddled with his finger trying to get a logical speech and looked back at Hinata who raised an eyebrow at him, expecting him to start talking. “Kageyama… Calm down, I said I was going to listen. Take your time.” 

Kageyama looked back at Hinata, right into his eyes and the ginger felt like he could not take his eyes from him. “I think the first thing I should say is I'm sorry, I truly am.” He takes a deep breath getting the courage to say everything he was afraid to. 

“The truth is... I didn't think I deserved to be loved by you or to be in love with you, or loved by anyone else. This is probably from the way I was raised, my parents showed me too little emotion towards me and I guess I grew up that way. And in school people made fun of me for not really having any emotions so how could I possibly be with someone who wears their emotions on their sleeve? What if I let you down because I wasn't expressing myself enough? Because let’s both be real, you get frustrated very quickly. And then I wasn't even sure if I liked guys or girls, I never had any desire because I would always think about volleyball first.” Hinata was locked in his place, shocked to hear those words from Kageyama, trying to fully understand what those words meant but the brunette didn’t give him too much time to process as he kept talking.

Kageyama couldn’t believe he was finally letting his feelings out and it actually felt great, even if this night didn’t turn out good for him which he actually had no expectations to have a happy ending. “And then you came crashing all of those walls that I built for myself and didn’t know what to do with these feelings that I never had. You were everywhere that I could think of, I couldn’t run away from you… and part of me didn’t actually want to.” Kageyama had a soft smile on his face remembering his time with Hinata in Karasuno, those times where they trained until they couldn’t stand on their feet, their everyday race to see who could get first to the gym, walking back home on sunny, rainy and even snowing days. “But the other part of me which I think actually had more influence, was afraid…” Kageyama averted the ginger’s eyes because he was embarrassed to admit that for the first time he did not have the courage to face his fears and because of that, he lost his friendship. The brunette let out a huff and ran his hand through his hair, he looked back at Hinata who had full attention on him.

“I’ve got to where I am in my life because I didn't have to be good with feelings or with people, I just had to be a good player and that’s what I focused on.” And that was true, since Hinata decided to stay away from him he focused even more on volleyball, so he could take his frustrations and let it all out.   
Kageyama took a deep breath because his next words were the words he longs to say for two years. “But now I see how stupid I was to let this beautiful thing to go away because I was afraid and now I want it, but maybe you don’t and that’s okay, it truly is, I’ve hurt you and I understand if you don’t want to try this but i think you deserved to know…” Kageyama paused seeing Hinata once again starting to cry, but this wasn’t the time to back down. _‘He deserves to know’_. “You deserve to know that you were loved. I loved you… In the worst way I could possibly love but I did, and maybe I still do but you’re not the same person from two years ago and neither am I. We've grown, and the person we loved it’s not the same we are now.” 

Kageyama gets confused by his own words, he gets up from the armchair and kneels in front of Hinata because he couldn’t let the boy cry on his own, he reaches for Hinata’s hand and stops midway thinking if it’s a good idea, he looks back at Hinata who looks so lost in thoughts between the tears. He took the hand and the latter didn’t object. “Sorry I’m just so bad with this whole thing, I'm so bad with people but what I think what I’m trying to say is that if you want to try this, I want it too.” Kageyama tugs at the tiny hand. “And it’s okay if you don’t want to, I didn’t come hoping everything will be fixed, if you don’t want to be together I can accept that, but I can’t accept you out of my life.” There, everything was finally in the open, no more hiding, no more ‘what if’s’, this was the last chance he had to get Hinata back.

Hinata looked back at him surprised at the final words, his mind was spiraling out of his control. Kageyama loved him? All this time? So he hurt himself in the middle of it? A part of Hinata did understand the reasons that the brunette gave him, he truly did, he was afraid too when he confessed his feelings, afraid that Kageyama would think he was disgusting by liking men, or worse actually liking him. Did he still love Kageyama? Yes. That was always an easy answer, but like he said, he loved the boy from school, not this Professional player, Olympian, who can actually talk about his feelings. Could they actually make this work? Did Hinata want this? Did he want to go through all of these buried feelings that now weren’t so buried. Would they only get hurt from this? Then he looked at their hands and it felt so _warm_ , so _good_.

Kageyama was still kneeled in front of Hinata, waiting for the ginger to say something, afraid of this being their last talk, afraid that Hinata wanted him out of his life. He felt a tug on his hand. “I… I also don’t want you out of my life.” Hinata began speaking with a broken voice, he used his other hand to dry his tears since he didn’t want to let go of Kageyama’s. “You loved me?” Kageyama nodded, blushing. Hinata stood up from the couch, helping Kageyama to stand up too, not letting go of their hands. 

There they stood, looking at each other in the middle of the living room, both men spoke their feelings that night, they were hurt and now they were finally healing. “I forgive you, and I want you to forgive me, for the things I said and the things I’ve done, letting you alone wasn’t good on my part too.” Kageyama put a hand on Hinat’s cheek caressing with his thumb. “Of course I forgive you… dumbass.” They laughed, it’s been a long time since their last bickering and insulting nicknames, Hinata then stopped, facing Kageyama with a serious look. “I need to think about it, if I want this. Of course I want you to be my friend, but I still need to think if we should be together. This is not a no and neither a yes, I just need to think about it okay? You gave me a lot to process.” Hinata tugged on his hand and received one back, Kageyama was smiling,a genuine smile, not that one where he could star in a horror movie. At least he got his friend back, and that was more than enough. “It’s okay, I understand.” Kageyama let go of their hands and he noticed the unpleasant face Hinata made. “Can I hug you before I leave?” Hinata gave him a huge smile and nodded. It felt so comfortable, both of them fit perfectly against each other, with Shouyou under his chin, both of them smelling their scents. “I missed you.” Hinata told him with his head still on his chest, embarrassed to look back up. Kageyama rubbed circles on the smaller boy. “I missed you too.” Both of them didn’t want to let go, it felt so good to be like this but Hinata was the first one let go, leading Kageyama to the door. 

“Do you need me to call you an Uber?” He asked on the porch as Kageyama put his shoes back on. “No, I also need to do some thinking, I’ll walk to the restaurant, my car is there. Good night Sh- Hinata.” Kageyama almost blurted Hinata’s first name, it felt so right to just say it, but he knew he was in no position to call the ginger by his first name. Hinata blushed and waved at him. “Good night, Kageyama.” 

As he closed the door Hinata stood there, with his back against the door _‘What the fuck just happened?’_ was all he could think about. Since when Kageyama could talk that much? And about his feelings. That was very new for Shouyou. So Kageyama loved him. That was being really difficult for Hinata to sink in. How could he hide those feelings from him, maybe he really didn’t know how to deal with people, he even thought that the brunette was over these kinds of things, he was more sociable than ever, well he was sociable now, not when they were still in high school. Hinata was on the edge of his brain shutting down trying to understand the whole situation, he was emotionally and physically tired from the never ending night, he would think about this tomorrow, talk to Kenma and see if the boy could help to clear his head. He stood up from the door and was about to lock in when somebody knocked on the door.

“ _WHAT NOW!?!?_ ” Hinata yelled and opened the door, just to find Kenma with both eyebrows high on his head and his hand still on the position to knock. “Oh it’s you… Sorry. I don’t think I could handle something more happening on this fucking night.” He let Kenma in and then turned around confused by why Kenma was home. “I thought you were going to sleep at Kuroo’s? And why did you knock? You’re the owner.” 

Kenma took his shoes off and got in the apartment. “Daichi told me what happened when he got home and I thought it would be better if I came to check up on you. I didn’t know if he was still in here so that’s why I knocked.” Hinata almost cried at the sweet action of his friend but he actually had no more tears to shed. “Thanks for caring about me Kenma.” The latter smiled at him. 

Hinata exhaled deeply and was finally feeling relaxed. “Kenma, I truly love you but I just want this night to fucking end. I’m going to sleep right _now_ , I’m too tired to tell you everything. We can talk in the morning.”

“It’s okay Shou, you should probably sleep, you look like you need it.” Kenma went straight to the couch turning his game on. “Hey! What’s that supposed t-” Hinata didn’t even bother to finish his sentence, Kenma was already too deep in his game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey new update!! I kinda ignored my works to write this. I promise this won't be another story where theres 20 chapters and no romance between then!! It's coming i promise you guys, we still have a long path to go with these boys!! Hope you enjoyed the update! Leave comments, kudos a bookmarks, it always helps!! Love u see u soon!!


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